did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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