He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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