You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
