I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize