You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
