Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
