I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
