Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
