I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
