I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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