I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize