im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
