his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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