walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Randomize
