Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
