dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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