he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
