he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
