Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
