I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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