I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
