she woke up with a sticky ear
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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