i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
