Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
