I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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