Yo dont text me then not text me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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