Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
