The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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