So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
