im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
