I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I love you. Go after that dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
