After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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