Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
