This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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