there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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