we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
