I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
