he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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