Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
