Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
