we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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