I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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