Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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