he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
