Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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