are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
