I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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