Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize