I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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