So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
