She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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