Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
