"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she peed on how many people?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
