I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize