we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
