look no pants
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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