There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize