i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
