I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
