dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They took my balls.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
