Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
