it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
