Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
