Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
