Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
