Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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