i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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