saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
