im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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