FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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