I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
