My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
