u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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