I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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