Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Small penises have feelings too.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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