fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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