i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
