just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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