I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
