quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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