cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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