Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im part way to drunk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
