Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
