so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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