I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
