sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
